Shinobi Lies and Apple Pies
by DreamsXReality
Summary: What if…everything they thought they knew, was a lie? [CRACK] [Implied SasuSaku and NaruHina] [OOC][Rated for minor drugs]


**Title:** Shinobi Lies

**A/N: **Gomen! Sad attempt at crack! I'm not on drugs. I repeat, I am NOT on drugs. Wait…does Monster count?

**Summary:** What if…everything they thought they knew, was a lie? CRACK Implied SasuSak and NaruHina OOC-duh 2-shot

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Naruto. Read this fic and be scarred for life.

--CrackMakesYouHigh--

It was Naruto's birthday, and everybody in Konoha knew what that meant. It was time to run. Far away._ Very_ far away. On his day off (three days from today) he would be having his party, but Hinata just couldn't wait to give him his present.

She walked up to his door early on the morning of his birthday, a bright orange box in her hands with navy ribbons trailing down the sides. So close, she was so very close to ringing the doorbell. So close that is, until she actually thought about it.

_What if I interrupt his breakfast? _She thought nervously, blushing slightly. Her next thought however, caused her pale complexion to flush cherry red.

_What if I interrupt his shower? And all he's wearing is a towel…with beads of water dripping from his hair and down his cheeks, sliding past his kawaii whiskers and then down along his shoulders and on to slide between the perfect muscles of his abdomen and then…_ Hinata promptly squashed this thought as she broke out in a clammy sweat and turned around quickly enough to cause permanent damage from whip-lash. Naughty.

In any case, ringing the doorbell was definitely out of the question.

Hinata paused for a moment to gather her wits about her so as to not pass out on his doorstep. Eventually, she was able to come up with a plan…and cause most of the blush to recede. She would sneak around to his bedroom window, and take a quick glance to see if there was steam coming from the bathroom…or if he was busy getting dressed.

Hmmmm…what if he were getting dressed? What then, Hinata? You naughty little Hyuuga. I sure am starting to wonder what's in that prettily wrapped box…and how you know which window is his bedroom.

She snuck carefully around the house, cautious with every step so as not to be discovered. She stopped crouched down beneath Naruto's window. The quiet kunoichi hesitantly lifted her head up to peer over the edge and tilted her head in confusion. What was he doing in there?

Naruto had pulled out a box from beneath his bed with many strange markings over it in black marker, and a label over the lid that said 'Naruto's Dirty Little Secret'.

Hinata watched in silent entrancement as Naruto lifted the lid ever so slowly, there was something different about him today, and even the girl with an infamous infatuation with him could not decipher quite what it was as he used a single finger to gently push the lid upwards.

Almost.

Almost.

_Almost._

_**Almost.**_

After what seemed like years, the box was open and Naruto carefully selected one of the long, thin, silver colored cylinder shaped objects within.

Hinata just stared in confusion, this was…odd.

Naruto glanced at the clock and jumped slightly, it was getting quite late, and he still needed to stop at Ichiraku's before training. He stood up and bunny-hopped over to a nearby mirror with the object and Hinata felt a strange aura of foreboding settle over her.

Naruto pulled off the black tip of the cylindrical object and set it aside carefully before slowly bringing the object to his cheek.

Hinata watching in awe, not quite grasping the situation.

There was Naruto, streaking a permanent marker across his face, three lines on each side, and she suddenly realized what was wrong before.

She watched him in wide-eyed shock, noticing how he paused between each line to take a large whiff of Sharpie © fumes and suck it into his lungs, looking fairly dizzy by the end of the whole ordeal.

That was what was wrong with him. He didn't have whiskers, and now…he did. Now…after streaking a permanent marker across his face, Uzumaki Naruto replaced a plain, smooth face with sharp lines imitating the whiskers of a fox.

Uzumaki Naruto was a fake. Uzumaki Naruto has not only been using a permanent marker to draw whiskers on his face, but he has been getting high in the process. On purpose.

Uzumaki Naruto was addicted to inhalants. Hyuuga Hinata in is love with a lying druggie.

Hyuuga Hinata was out cold as soon as her brain registered the information.

--CrackMakesYouHigh--

**A/N: **Tell the truth!!! No seriously, I use my fireproof gloves to handle the flames, please feel free to tell me everything you are thinking about this fanfic.

I'll be writing another describing just what was in the present as well. Dirty girl. It shall be fun, and you will understand the entirety of it better after this.

If you read that, please write 'pop' in your review?

**High Balloon**


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